Not referencing any particular incident or person. Rather, I catch myself re-occuringly experiencing this problem and noticing it occasionally in others, it manifests itself in many different ways. This is not a post where I am saying not to try something new, take a risk, or push yourself to the next level. That's part of life. The problem I have is when people fret about things that they cannot change, doubting yourself before you try, or become hard on themselves during challenges when they are already doing their best. Now, it would be quite ridiculous for me to imply that this should never happen, but if we can realize when we start to do it, we can keep it in perspective and our stress levels down; therefore living longer and all that good stuff!
For myself, I find my career to be a big one. In my job (Information Technology) I run into unique challenges that I need to solve, sometimes on a daily basis. Despite getting post secondary education for my career I am still constantly learning, occasionally the situation demands more then I can handle and I either need to ask for help/advice or simply work through it slowly via trial & error. I sometimes blame myself for these situations; feeling inadequate or less useful, and for no other reason than me thinking that I could have done something "more". But the fact is, how can you do something "more" if you are already giving one-hundred percent? It seems so obvious when I say it out loud and yet I keep forgetting that fact. Self respect is important and people should be proud of themselves and the things that they have done, even if they seems small to others.
The self doubt manifestation isn't one that I typically have trouble with but recently I've run into a feeling that I think most people experience at this stage in their life. I worry about whether or not I will be a good father to my child. I worry whether I will be able to provide my child with as good a childhood as I had. Generally speaking I consider myself a kind and competent person but this is something new that I cannot predict, or fully prepare myself for emotionally/mentally. But once again, this is silly. I haven't given myself a chance and am quick to run to pessimism rather then be realistic; it's much more likely that everything will work out great. Some bumps along the way, sure, but being a "bad father" is pretty ridiculous.
When you have time, have a short reflection of the the worries/stresses in your life and really try and identify whether all of them are really valid and what is just over thinking.
Thursday, 24 May 2012
Thursday, 17 May 2012
Extra Baggage
We all have it, we would be saints if we didn't. Some do a good job of hiding the stresses they hall around with them from day to day, and others have a bit more difficulty.
When I first started my relationship with Bryan I thought I was doing just that, keeping it all tucked away in the privacy of my own mind. All seemed good until about a year and a bit in to things.
It was at that point that I started to push him away, and expect him to come back. As you can imagine it grew very tiresome for the both of us. After a few months of the roller coaster ride from hell things ironed themselves out and we went on with our life together.
Thats not to say we don't still banter or argue or want to rip each other apart from time to time, but it's that friendly couples banter that keeps us strong. We might comunicate in a unconventional way, but we comunicate and that is the most important ingredient for keeping a relationship alive and healthy.
While we are on the topic of alive and healthy I'll get to the secondary point of this entry. Weight loss. Yeah, it's not fun, and it's most certainly another type of Baggage. It to can be quite heavy to drag around.
About a year ago I started to notice I didn't fit in to things any more. I ignored it for a while as most people do, but then one day I was nearing a weight number I had set for myself a while ago. I had told myself if I got to that point, I would do something about it. I was 3 pounds away from that number when I decided to join Herbal Magic.
It's a rather expensive but surprisingly efficient weight loss program. It's more of a life style change combined with supplements to aide in the weight loss. It's been easy, and hard. Food is good, it's that symple. I like pasta and cookies and sugar and all that stuff I shouldn't eat all the time. I find with the sun out so often these days it's even more difficult, but what can you do?
I started in December and I've lost 18 pounds. I was down lower but in the past two weeks I've gained 5 pounds again. It's a work in progress but it's definitely a good goal to work towards. I hope to be down to my goal weight at some point in the next year, but only time will hold the answers to that one.
Regardless of what your Bagage may be, the point of this entry is to let you know you don't have to hold it all on your own. The people that love you will be more then happy to take some of the load. Sometimes though, sharing the weight can be harder then it is to hold it all on your shoulders.
When I first started my relationship with Bryan I thought I was doing just that, keeping it all tucked away in the privacy of my own mind. All seemed good until about a year and a bit in to things.
It was at that point that I started to push him away, and expect him to come back. As you can imagine it grew very tiresome for the both of us. After a few months of the roller coaster ride from hell things ironed themselves out and we went on with our life together.
Thats not to say we don't still banter or argue or want to rip each other apart from time to time, but it's that friendly couples banter that keeps us strong. We might comunicate in a unconventional way, but we comunicate and that is the most important ingredient for keeping a relationship alive and healthy.
While we are on the topic of alive and healthy I'll get to the secondary point of this entry. Weight loss. Yeah, it's not fun, and it's most certainly another type of Baggage. It to can be quite heavy to drag around.
About a year ago I started to notice I didn't fit in to things any more. I ignored it for a while as most people do, but then one day I was nearing a weight number I had set for myself a while ago. I had told myself if I got to that point, I would do something about it. I was 3 pounds away from that number when I decided to join Herbal Magic.
It's a rather expensive but surprisingly efficient weight loss program. It's more of a life style change combined with supplements to aide in the weight loss. It's been easy, and hard. Food is good, it's that symple. I like pasta and cookies and sugar and all that stuff I shouldn't eat all the time. I find with the sun out so often these days it's even more difficult, but what can you do?
I started in December and I've lost 18 pounds. I was down lower but in the past two weeks I've gained 5 pounds again. It's a work in progress but it's definitely a good goal to work towards. I hope to be down to my goal weight at some point in the next year, but only time will hold the answers to that one.
Regardless of what your Bagage may be, the point of this entry is to let you know you don't have to hold it all on your own. The people that love you will be more then happy to take some of the load. Sometimes though, sharing the weight can be harder then it is to hold it all on your shoulders.
Wednesday, 16 May 2012
Flashback
A lot of things can happen in a year. I mentioned in my first post that the past few have been quite eventful for me. This past year however has held probably the two biggest changes in my life.
First of all was my marriage. It's funny how much time we take from our lives to prepare and plan for something that only lasts a day. Not the commitment of course, but the days events. After a year of planning and preparing February the 11th came and went all to soon.
I still sometimes look at the date and can't believe that it has already been 3 months. Time flys when you get caught up in life. The routine that work provides is probably one of the things that makes time slip away the fastest.
Ah work. We arrive at the reason for this entry. While reminiscing on the wedding is a activity I could spend many hours doing, that isn't why I decided to write today. I'm writing today to mark a milestone in my life today.
Today is the 1 year mark at my first job. When I say "first" I probably more likely then not mean only as well. As a blind person with a limited amount of vision the job opportunities didn't just fall in my lap. At one point in my life I had unwillingly even made myself accept the fact that I might become just another housewife, carrying out the days monotonous days chores around the house.
Don't get me wrong, if you are the stay at home mom type, I have no issues with that. To be honest it's probably more work then my job is, but the fact of the matter is that it's something you have decided to do. I wasn't really happy with letting my lack of eye sight stop me from being a functioning member of society and from contributing equally financially to my relationship.
So I'm here, a year later at my job. It hasn't been easy, and some days it's still hard. The lack of stimulation intellectually is sometimes hard for me to handle, but I have to keep reminding myself that the pros outweigh the cons. I'm working, taking on a hefty chunk of the bill load with the money I'm earning, and am a functioning part of society now. Not to say I wasn't before, but I always wanted to be a member of the working world.
Saying it's been easy would be a lie. Saying it's been awful would not be quite right either though. Sometimes it feels like I'm running in circles, always meeting the same brick wall. Then there are the days like today where I can say I've done it, I'm still here, and I'm going to keep waiting for things to work themselves out. Walking uphill all the time can sometimes be very draining, but when you get to a flat spot with a nice view, things become a little clearer.
First of all was my marriage. It's funny how much time we take from our lives to prepare and plan for something that only lasts a day. Not the commitment of course, but the days events. After a year of planning and preparing February the 11th came and went all to soon.
I still sometimes look at the date and can't believe that it has already been 3 months. Time flys when you get caught up in life. The routine that work provides is probably one of the things that makes time slip away the fastest.
Ah work. We arrive at the reason for this entry. While reminiscing on the wedding is a activity I could spend many hours doing, that isn't why I decided to write today. I'm writing today to mark a milestone in my life today.
Today is the 1 year mark at my first job. When I say "first" I probably more likely then not mean only as well. As a blind person with a limited amount of vision the job opportunities didn't just fall in my lap. At one point in my life I had unwillingly even made myself accept the fact that I might become just another housewife, carrying out the days monotonous days chores around the house.
Don't get me wrong, if you are the stay at home mom type, I have no issues with that. To be honest it's probably more work then my job is, but the fact of the matter is that it's something you have decided to do. I wasn't really happy with letting my lack of eye sight stop me from being a functioning member of society and from contributing equally financially to my relationship.
So I'm here, a year later at my job. It hasn't been easy, and some days it's still hard. The lack of stimulation intellectually is sometimes hard for me to handle, but I have to keep reminding myself that the pros outweigh the cons. I'm working, taking on a hefty chunk of the bill load with the money I'm earning, and am a functioning part of society now. Not to say I wasn't before, but I always wanted to be a member of the working world.
Saying it's been easy would be a lie. Saying it's been awful would not be quite right either though. Sometimes it feels like I'm running in circles, always meeting the same brick wall. Then there are the days like today where I can say I've done it, I'm still here, and I'm going to keep waiting for things to work themselves out. Walking uphill all the time can sometimes be very draining, but when you get to a flat spot with a nice view, things become a little clearer.
Tuesday, 15 May 2012
Page 1 is a good place to start
Life has a way of changing, and it is a combination of changes that have led me to start up this blog. To be entirely honest i think a fresh start from my livejournal account from my teenaged years is the perfict cure for writers block.
A lot has changed in my life from the time I started that thing up until now. The biggest and most important change is that I am happily married and working. These are two things that if you had asked me about just a few short years ago I would have never thought possible. Being born blind and with a limited amount of useful vision tends to give a person a bit of a jaded outlook on life.
Never the less here I am! With these new stages of my life comes the desire to write again and do what everyone that has a blog does, express myself to whoever wants to read.
It is my hope to connect with others who are in new exciting stages of there life's and to share the experiences of mine as I go through them.
A lot has changed in my life from the time I started that thing up until now. The biggest and most important change is that I am happily married and working. These are two things that if you had asked me about just a few short years ago I would have never thought possible. Being born blind and with a limited amount of useful vision tends to give a person a bit of a jaded outlook on life.
Never the less here I am! With these new stages of my life comes the desire to write again and do what everyone that has a blog does, express myself to whoever wants to read.
It is my hope to connect with others who are in new exciting stages of there life's and to share the experiences of mine as I go through them.
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